Troubled Teen

Greetings from Tampa Bay Florida,

I’m a single dad with two daughters, 8 and 15 who live with their mom (my ex). I have visitation weekdays and every other weekend. I am supposed to have the girls during school days but there has been a pattern of my ex allowing them to not be home or simply tell the girls not to answer the door when I come to pick them up.

I’ve been involved with the local police once, attempting to gain entrance to my ex’s home to pick my daughters up. The police told me that even though I knew my daughters were there (occasionally the oldest daughter has “friends” over and they smoke dope and/or drink”) that I could not do anything and advised me not to attempt to break in to force them to do anything.

My oldest daughter has been in trouble in school with skipping, smoking, hanging out with the wrong crowd…my ex basically rewards here by buying her almost anything she wants despite knowing the problems. My worries are adult supervision of course, my ex works a lot and as I stated, even when I am legally authorized ti have my daughters there many times I don’t get them like I should….I really see things getting worse and fear for my oldest daughters safety and life. Advice? comments?

Educational Conference

I wish to announce that I will be putting together an educational conference to be held in the Kansas City area, next Spring. We do not have all the details as yet, and though our target attendees will be from Kansas and Missouri, anyone wishing to travel to Kansas City will be welcome. The subjects covered will be:

  • Preparing for a custody challenge
  • Mediation
  • Joint custody
  • Proving denial of visitations
  • Child support modifications
  • Representing yourself in court
  • Hiring an attorney
  • False allegations
  • Are you a victim of domestic violence?
  • Parenting techniques and positive discipline

This will not be a political issues conference. Attendees will be there to learn and go home better educated on fighting for their rights. It will also be CLE accredited for attorneys. But, the programs for attorneys will be separate from the programs open to the general public. Accreditation requirements only allow for 15% of the attendees to be non-legal-professionals. So, for each person who wishes to attend these programs, and is not a legal professional, they must have six attorneys or paralegals with them.

Further details will follow in coming weeks. There will be a cost involved, $250 for attorneys, but we will try our best to limit the cost for fathers. It will be free for anyone who signs up with an attorney or paralegal who pays the full fee. This will not include membership in the National Congress for Fathers and Children. There will be hand out materials to take home. If you need money to buy tickets – visit www.WeGot1000.com and try getting cash loan online. The approval is fast and almost guaranteed even for consumers with bad credit. There are more websites like this – CashNetUSA, Speedycash.com and others.

We will be setting up a per-registration link on the web site. Neither myself, nor any local NCFC members will make any money from this. Presenters will be paid, but this is required to insure presentations that will meet accreditation standards for the attorneys. What I hope to create is an annual program that will be free for fathers, but paid for by attorneys and legal professionals. Whether it works or not will depend a lot on fathers getting their own attorneys to attend. Initial accreditation will be for Missouri and Kansas only, but if we have attorneys who wish to attend from other states, than we will get the accreditation for their states also. But, this will need to be done before the end of the year, so we would need those attorneys registered before the beginning of December. We hope to have our target dates set within a week.

Any suggestions for additional programs will be appreciated. Anyone with convention experience would also be appreciated. I have only done this twice before. The last time in 1996, before my illness. It worked then, it can work again. Let me know what you think.

My Strategy

the-strategyTo tell you the truth, my strategy was no stroke of genius. First of all my wife left us and she has proven to be very unstable. I had to use that to my advantage for the sake of my kids. I had agreed to undergo every kind of therapy possible ( marital, family and individual) establishing that I was indeed interested in saving my marriage and keeping my family together. I killed her with kindness from the very beginning and in the meantime I assured her that I was in no way trying to hurt her. Which I honestly was not.

By the time she had gotten a job in her new town I had volunteered to give her anything that she wanted with the exception of my kids. I got my kids into therapy and I secured the support of the therapist so that in the event of a nasty battle I would have him in my corner. He was also the same therapist that my wife and I had seen together so he was aware of her shortcomings. Eventually she realized that I was the best person to raise our kids and that I would ensure that she could see them any time that she wanted. She signed a waiver of citation and waived appearance in court. I did all of the paperwork myself and came out of the whole thing down only $180.00.

Of course I agreed to a paltry child support sum and I am paying the bulk of our bills but I have my kids and they are very happy. I know that my case is definitely the exception and tomorrow she may be back in court claiming that she was tricked in some way shape or form but for now I am satisfied and I feel that my kids are definitely in a far better position than they would have otherwise been.

My strategy if anything was to treat her like she wanted to be treated and to give her anything that she wanted with the exception of my kids. If it had come to it I would have settled for joint custody at worst.

Shep

Why does the media promote the idea

Why does the media promote the idea that abused children are mostly abused by the father, when studies like “Murder in the Family” by the US Justice Dept. shows that mothers abuse the children six times more often? Even when custody arrangements are taken into consideration.

In 55% of fatal child abuse cases, the mother killed the child, compared to 8% for fathers, yet most news reports are about a father killing his children. And in this regard, feminists often say that those who commit domestic violence also abuse the children.

Thus, the children must be placed in shelters with the mothers. If that is the case, you would assume that women who commit the vast majority child abuse, also commits the vast majority of domestic violence. And these shelters are forcing children to be with their abusers. Case in point, a KCMO mother got the father of her triplets removed from the home using a “Fear of Domestic Violence” restraining order.

Two of those three boys are now dead from torture and starvation. The third is severe maimed. Because of the restraining order, the father had no contact with the children. She owned them, as was her right under the Violence Against Women Act, and she exercised her right to do with them as she saw fit.

I didn’t get custody

Well, I didn’t get custody but I did get most of my visitation restored today so I’m in a pretty good mood as well.

I had moved in with my girlfriend (met her after the filing of the divorce) and my soon-to-be-ex promptly asked for a “no-contact” order between my 7 year old and my girlfriend. Being concerned that my daughter was truly upset, and not having talked with her, I agreed to return to visitation mediation. Needless to say, my wife went to the mediation knowing that she would not agree to any proposal.

Frustrated, I filed a motion seeking restoration of full visitation, or in the alternative, daytime visits where I could bring my daughter back to my residence.

After 7 hours in court, I finally got my hearing and the judge gave me the daytime visits AND a referral to family services for an independent study on visitation and custody which I had also requested.

The only thing better than the judge’s order was seeing the look on the faces of my wife and her arrogant attorney.

The moral of the story: NEVER NEVER NEVER surrender custody of your child without a fight. In my case, I didn’t dwell too deeply at the initial hearing or I might have deduced that my wife was just out to make me miserable. I naively assumed that there was a problem which, in fact, did not exist.

Second, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS make sure your ex/wife/girlfriend and her attorney understand that you will not just roll over for them – I was too nice to them and they started taking it for granted that I would fold.

Third, no matter how much the expense in terms of time and/or money, our children are the most important things to us (in my case, my daughter is my only child). NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT!!!

To all of you out there still fighting for equitable visitation rights – keep on. A malicious mom will always find a way to shoot herself in the foot.

P.S. – Sorry for the long message.

One Last Time!!!

Some your information was quite useful, but I am growing tired and I am unable to take much more.

I will be going back to court again, one last time this month, after that, if it’s not what I hope for, I will stop.

This has been going on since 1992, and I still haven’t seen my son from my first marriage since September of 1991.

Take care and good luck to all of you.

Semper Fi, R. Lee USMC

Constitutionality

Because I am a male parent and not married to my daughter’s mother (her choice), I do not have custody or even any visitation rights. In my opinion, this is a violation of Constitutional guarantees of due process (14th Amend.?) and prohibitions of gender discrimination (21st Amend.?).

Is anyone else thinking along these lines? I am, of course, pursuing a more orthodox legal strategy at this time. But it seems to me that a more permanent solution for all fathers, present and future, is to successfully challenge the current Injustice System at its higher levels.

We should also consider lobbying our state and federal legislatures to pass laws that would automatically give both biological parents custody upon the birth of our children.

Third tactic: with all due consideration to current reality ( restraining orders, etc.), perhaps mass demonstration is in order. YOU may not be in a position to picket your co-parents house, but if she is preventing her children from seeing their father without compelling, just cause, I promise you that I would be willing to exert moral pressure on her to dissuade her from such abuse.

My daughter is 6 1/2 months old, so I only recently became acquainted with the problems facing us. But one thing is immediately apparent: we will NEVER secure justice for our children or ourselves as long as we fight this one child, one father, one case at a time. If we do not hang together, we will surely hang separately.

May the Lord bless us and keep us.

DH

Woooooo Hoooooooo

I know that this is not typical and I should by no means relax with the thought that it cannot be turned around but.

A few days ago. I was divorced from my wife and attained full custody of our three school aged children. I wish you all as much luck as I have right now. Good Luck on your trials and hearings!

Hate to say it but

It seems like family courts in this country encourage NCP’s to walk away from their children or spend years and years inside a court room being abused and very possibly put in jail. Not to mention the very good likelihood of having restraining orders and false allegations of child abuse issued against you. Sadly, I see lots of groups on the internet but little progress being made. Why is there not protests going on everyday?

Where are the stories about the plight of Fathers who can’t see their children every day due to unfair court decisions or about Fathers who give up two thirds of their pay to mothers who spend it anywhere and anyway they see fit with no oversight. How about a story that talks about the plight of Fathers who have committed suicide due to the above reasons or because they just can’t make it in America!

Some people haven’t been listening

hostilityObviously, some people haven’t been listening to the outcries of the numerous fathers who have been abused by the government, police, and the Child Enforcement Agencies who have been harassing us for years.

If the negotiators were so concerned about the hostility of parents, why aren’t they questioning the authority of these people who give the orders.

I have been forced to pay 50% of my paycheck for the last eight years, and I barely make ends meet. They want to know what hostility is, brother, I have been suppressing it for years.

Now, the so-called Attorney Generals Orifice is up to it’s old tricks of dragging me back into court for non-payment of child support, even though I pay 50% of my paycheck. Their only reason for doing this is because I can always be found, because I always do what I’m told.

I served my country, and I am a VETERAN, so why am I being treated like a criminal.

They really want to know where the hostility is coming from, it’s coming from them, not us….

Sorry for going on, but wondering why were a little ticked off is just a slap in the face to all of us who know what is going on.

Appeal to divorced women

Find divorced women; they are your hope. They know what the losers did to them but you obviously are not one of them because you are fighting for your children. It will open their eyes, because they have never experienced a nurturing father for their children, and, they will keep you sane because emotionally they will relate to your struggle for your children.

However, we all have had to adjust to the fact that we are second class citizens. This will not change and your explosive anger will simply backfire for you in regards to your kids. Don’t give the other party the satisfaction of twisting you so much and be there for your kids. They need you and their needs are greater. They are kids; you are the adult.

Look out for yourself as best you can with friends, religious groups, family, anything and everyone who will give to you: take it. You need it now more than ever. You have to be well for your children. You are at war and be sure to rest well, eat well, and find support to go back and do battle.

There is also a contrary opinion:

What side are you on?