I myself remarried a divorced woman

I myself remarried a divorced woman, but her previous experience wasn’t a factor. I married her because she loved me for who I was.

Granted, I’m not the easiest person to get along with, and she puts up with me. She’s intelligent, beautiful, gentle, and is a great mother. I’m blessed to be with her.

By the way, this is my third marriage, and I just kept trying until I found the right one. Single, divorced, it doesn’t matter if you’re willing to open up to her. I also grew up with four sisters, and if it’s one thing I learned, don’t take a woman for granted.

Semper Fi, Lee

Re: Appeal to divorced women

Personally I take exception to the statement that “we all have had to adjust to the fact that we are second class citizens.” That’s your self-perception, and terribly self-defeating. Any series of battles is already lost with that sort of mentality.

And why partner with the battle scars of divorced women? They generally have very heavy emotional baggage. Go with young single women, they have less ugly histories you have to listen to. More fun, too, because they have not been disillusioned.

Odds on your remarriage favors that young girl. With a divorced woman there’s a 65% chance of a second failure (and court hearings). Plus if she has kids, guess who will be her favorites?

It really bothered me when I went out with a divorced mom. When her ex realized that I spent more fathering time with his kids, the dude went ballistic! Worst part, I completely understood him because it mirrored a similar situation with my kids.

Yeah, get away from all that guilt. Stay away from losing propositions, cut all your losses short, and start fresh. A dad who is alive and happy is the best first-class example for the children.

Should i get an attorney?

I got a letter from the child support services in my area to come and resolve the matter without a court hearing, is it advisable to get an attorney?

PS I have totally supported my son since birth(6yrs lived with me), and the mom practically for the past 8 years.

Things have been rocky for the past 3 years and i finally called it quits 2 months ago ( mind you she stayed with me and i paid for the rent& food & utilities except her long dist phone calls). Now with out consulting me she went and filled for support. Any advise?!

Fantastic message!

divorced coupleI couldn’t have said it better. I am with a divorced woman now who is continually amazed at how well her kids and I get along. The strength and support I draw from this family, and the leadership and love I bring to it, make us all stronger and more able.

I literally can not imagine doing this, fighting this war (and it IS a war, you got it exactly right, tsih.rm) without the base-camp of support and love that I have now.

Divorced women DO understand, and they DO recognize how good or bad a man can be by how he treats his own children and his ex-wife. Further, I think it gentles divorced women to see how we suffer from the things our ex-wives do to us…makes the divorced women we know and love more compassionate to their own ex’s.

Your post is so right on, tsih…I’m printing this one off for a keeper.

The System

Every so often, something just falls into your lap. Recently, the Attorney Generals Office had me served, again, for failure to pay child support, “they have been taking 50% of my paycheck for a few years, figure that one out”.

Well, a friend did figure it out. They have been using the wrong dates on the court orders all this time. By their calculations, since 2004, I haven’t paid a thing.

I have gone through being arrested, dragged into court numerous times, and traveled thousands of miles because of their error. You had better believe I’m going to have fun with this one. I hope everyone else is doing fine, and good luck!!

The Almighty Dollar

Whats worse than only having weekend visitation and paying killer child support. Its having all that and then your ex announces that your child needs new clothing. Meanwhile she’s going on vacation or driving a new car. Guess how that was paid for.

A buddy of mine recently faced that situation. And for a year he painfully bought those clothes and all the other essentials. At the end of the year, he went into court and asked for a downward deviation from the child support guidelines. He brought his checking account, his receipts and subpoenaed his wife’s checking account and credit card receipts. He got the deviation.

Lets face it – a lot of our ex’s want custody just for those tax free child support dollars. And you can’t dictate how they will spend the money. But every now and then, being reasonable and caring pays off.

Re: My Strategy

I missed this message but wanted to respond to it.

Shep is right in that some women will shoot themselves in the foot. In my case, I agreed to almost everything my wife wanted and was still getting screwed. We went to mediation a second time and my wife continued to stick her foot in her mouth while refusing me time with my daughter.

Finally, I forced the issue by asking a judge to increase the amount of my visitation (which was granted) and to refer the matter to Family Relations for a custody study (which he also granted). That study includes an interview with the child and I knew I would win if it came to that.

After 8 months, my wife is finally talking joint custody. There’s nothing final yet but she clearly know who spends time with my daughter and who doesn’t and she doesn’t want that discussed at Family Relations.

Not sure of anything anymore

Well – at this point, I am still married and fighting to get divorced without losing my finances, my mind, my two girls and my own life.

But I am at the point where I have not much hope. I am dying financially, I am physically getting to a point of death and I could lose my 2 girls. I am very angry with the courts and the laws of the U.S.

They have made me a second class citizen and if they are not careful there may be a few less people in this world because of it. I have no hope and I am not sure I want to continue fighting. I have no hope.

Divorce, 25 year study

I’m curious as to what, if any, solution was offered for the problems. Obviously greater honest communication between the parents is necessary, but when emotions are so deeply involved – or the adults believe their emotions are involved – it’s difficult to have any type of communication and honest is a word most humans have a difficult time facing or admitting to themselves, let alone be strong enough to be honest with themselves enough to help their children.

One honest solution is to stop having children without thinking it through. With today’s preventative medicine, there is no possible reason, other than rape, for a woman to become pregnant.

But I also have to wonder if a study had been done on married couples and their children over the same time frame – we know now that a great many women remained married simply because there was no alternative in their minds for them and their children. We know – from honest people – that most couples were not happily married and just what type of effect did that have on the children who watched their mothers – mostly – take Valium and alcohol just to escape the unhappy marriage.

People have some misguided belief that there were “good old days” in the past – but the truth is the days simply weren’t communicated as to how bad they were.


Troubled Teen

Greetings from Tampa Bay Florida,

I’m a single dad with two daughters, 8 and 15 who live with their mom (my ex). I have visitation weekdays and every other weekend. I am supposed to have the girls during school days but there has been a pattern of my ex allowing them to not be home or simply tell the girls not to answer the door when I come to pick them up.

I’ve been involved with the local police once, attempting to gain entrance to my ex’s home to pick my daughters up. The police told me that even though I knew my daughters were there (occasionally the oldest daughter has “friends” over and they smoke dope and/or drink”) that I could not do anything and advised me not to attempt to break in to force them to do anything.

My oldest daughter has been in trouble in school with skipping, smoking, hanging out with the wrong crowd…my ex basically rewards here by buying her almost anything she wants despite knowing the problems. My worries are adult supervision of course, my ex works a lot and as I stated, even when I am legally authorized ti have my daughters there many times I don’t get them like I should….I really see things getting worse and fear for my oldest daughters safety and life. Advice? comments?

Educational Conference

I wish to announce that I will be putting together an educational conference to be held in the Kansas City area, next Spring. We do not have all the details as yet, and though our target attendees will be from Kansas and Missouri, anyone wishing to travel to Kansas City will be welcome. The subjects covered will be:

  • Preparing for a custody challenge
  • Mediation
  • Joint custody
  • Proving denial of visitations
  • Child support modifications
  • Representing yourself in court
  • Hiring an attorney
  • False allegations
  • Are you a victim of domestic violence?
  • Parenting techniques and positive discipline

This will not be a political issues conference. Attendees will be there to learn and go home better educated on fighting for their rights. It will also be CLE accredited for attorneys. But, the programs for attorneys will be separate from the programs open to the general public. Accreditation requirements only allow for 15% of the attendees to be non-legal-professionals. So, for each person who wishes to attend these programs, and is not a legal professional, they must have six attorneys or paralegals with them.

Further details will follow in coming weeks. There will be a cost involved, $250 for attorneys, but we will try our best to limit the cost for fathers. It will be free for anyone who signs up with an attorney or paralegal who pays the full fee. This will not include membership in the National Congress for Fathers and Children. There will be hand out materials to take home. If you need money to buy tickets – visit www.WeGot1000.com and try getting cash loan online. The approval is fast and almost guaranteed even for consumers with bad credit. There are more websites like this – CashNetUSA, AceCashExpress and others.

We will be setting up a per-registration link on the web site. Neither myself, nor any local NCFC members will make any money from this. Presenters will be paid, but this is required to insure presentations that will meet accreditation standards for the attorneys. What I hope to create is an annual program that will be free for fathers, but paid for by attorneys and legal professionals. Whether it works or not will depend a lot on fathers getting their own attorneys to attend. Initial accreditation will be for Missouri and Kansas only, but if we have attorneys who wish to attend from other states, than we will get the accreditation for their states also. But, this will need to be done before the end of the year, so we would need those attorneys registered before the beginning of December. We hope to have our target dates set within a week.

Any suggestions for additional programs will be appreciated. Anyone with convention experience would also be appreciated. I have only done this twice before. The last time in 1996, before my illness. It worked then, it can work again. Let me know what you think.

My Strategy

the-strategyTo tell you the truth, my strategy was no stroke of genius. First of all my wife left us and she has proven to be very unstable. I had to use that to my advantage for the sake of my kids. I had agreed to undergo every kind of therapy possible ( marital, family and individual) establishing that I was indeed interested in saving my marriage and keeping my family together. I killed her with kindness from the very beginning and in the meantime I assured her that I was in no way trying to hurt her. Which I honestly was not.

By the time she had gotten a job in her new town I had volunteered to give her anything that she wanted with the exception of my kids. I got my kids into therapy and I secured the support of the therapist so that in the event of a nasty battle I would have him in my corner. He was also the same therapist that my wife and I had seen together so he was aware of her shortcomings. Eventually she realized that I was the best person to raise our kids and that I would ensure that she could see them any time that she wanted. She signed a waiver of citation and waived appearance in court. I did all of the paperwork myself and came out of the whole thing down only $180.00.

Of course I agreed to a paltry child support sum and I am paying the bulk of our bills but I have my kids and they are very happy. I know that my case is definitely the exception and tomorrow she may be back in court claiming that she was tricked in some way shape or form but for now I am satisfied and I feel that my kids are definitely in a far better position than they would have otherwise been.

My strategy if anything was to treat her like she wanted to be treated and to give her anything that she wanted with the exception of my kids. If it had come to it I would have settled for joint custody at worst.


Why does the media promote the idea

Why does the media promote the idea that abused children are mostly abused by the father, when studies like “Murder in the Family” by the US Justice Dept. shows that mothers abuse the children six times more often? Even when custody arrangements are taken into consideration.

In 55% of fatal child abuse cases, the mother killed the child, compared to 8% for fathers, yet most news reports are about a father killing his children. And in this regard, feminists often say that those who commit domestic violence also abuse the children.

Thus, the children must be placed in shelters with the mothers. If that is the case, you would assume that women who commit the vast majority child abuse, also commits the vast majority of domestic violence. And these shelters are forcing children to be with their abusers. Case in point, a KCMO mother got the father of her triplets removed from the home using a “Fear of Domestic Violence” restraining order.

Two of those three boys are now dead from torture and starvation. The third is severe maimed. Because of the restraining order, the father had no contact with the children. She owned them, as was her right under the Violence Against Women Act, and she exercised her right to do with them as she saw fit.

I didn’t get custody

Well, I didn’t get custody but I did get most of my visitation restored today so I’m in a pretty good mood as well.

I had moved in with my girlfriend (met her after the filing of the divorce) and my soon-to-be-ex promptly asked for a “no-contact” order between my 7 year old and my girlfriend. Being concerned that my daughter was truly upset, and not having talked with her, I agreed to return to visitation mediation. Needless to say, my wife went to the mediation knowing that she would not agree to any proposal.

Frustrated, I filed a motion seeking restoration of full visitation, or in the alternative, daytime visits where I could bring my daughter back to my residence.

After 7 hours in court, I finally got my hearing and the judge gave me the daytime visits AND a referral to family services for an independent study on visitation and custody which I had also requested.

The only thing better than the judge’s order was seeing the look on the faces of my wife and her arrogant attorney.

The moral of the story: NEVER NEVER NEVER surrender custody of your child without a fight. In my case, I didn’t dwell too deeply at the initial hearing or I might have deduced that my wife was just out to make me miserable. I naively assumed that there was a problem which, in fact, did not exist.

Second, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS make sure your ex/wife/girlfriend and her attorney understand that you will not just roll over for them – I was too nice to them and they started taking it for granted that I would fold.

Third, no matter how much the expense in terms of time and/or money, our children are the most important things to us (in my case, my daughter is my only child). NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT!!!

To all of you out there still fighting for equitable visitation rights – keep on. A malicious mom will always find a way to shoot herself in the foot.

P.S. – Sorry for the long message.

One Last Time!!!

Some your information was quite useful, but I am growing tired and I am unable to take much more.

I will be going back to court again, one last time this month, after that, if it’s not what I hope for, I will stop.

This has been going on since 1992, and I still haven’t seen my son from my first marriage since September of 1991.

Take care and good luck to all of you.

Semper Fi, R. Lee USMC


Because I am a male parent and not married to my daughter’s mother (her choice), I do not have custody or even any visitation rights. In my opinion, this is a violation of Constitutional guarantees of due process (14th Amend.?) and prohibitions of gender discrimination (21st Amend.?).

Is anyone else thinking along these lines? I am, of course, pursuing a more orthodox legal strategy at this time. But it seems to me that a more permanent solution for all fathers, present and future, is to successfully challenge the current Injustice System at its higher levels.

We should also consider lobbying our state and federal legislatures to pass laws that would automatically give both biological parents custody upon the birth of our children.

Third tactic: with all due consideration to current reality ( restraining orders, etc.), perhaps mass demonstration is in order. YOU may not be in a position to picket your co-parents house, but if she is preventing her children from seeing their father without compelling, just cause, I promise you that I would be willing to exert moral pressure on her to dissuade her from such abuse.

My daughter is 6 1/2 months old, so I only recently became acquainted with the problems facing us. But one thing is immediately apparent: we will NEVER secure justice for our children or ourselves as long as we fight this one child, one father, one case at a time. If we do not hang together, we will surely hang separately.

May the Lord bless us and keep us.


Woooooo Hoooooooo

I know that this is not typical and I should by no means relax with the thought that it cannot be turned around but.

A few days ago. I was divorced from my wife and attained full custody of our three school aged children. I wish you all as much luck as I have right now. Good Luck on your trials and hearings!

Hate to say it but

It seems like family courts in this country encourage NCP’s to walk away from their children or spend years and years inside a court room being abused and very possibly put in jail. Not to mention the very good likelihood of having restraining orders and false allegations of child abuse issued against you. Sadly, I see lots of groups on the internet but little progress being made. Why is there not protests going on everyday?

Where are the stories about the plight of Fathers who can’t see their children every day due to unfair court decisions or about Fathers who give up two thirds of their pay to mothers who spend it anywhere and anyway they see fit with no oversight. How about a story that talks about the plight of Fathers who have committed suicide due to the above reasons or because they just can’t make it in America!

Some people haven’t been listening

hostilityObviously, some people haven’t been listening to the outcries of the numerous fathers who have been abused by the government, police, and the Child Enforcement Agencies who have been harassing us for years.

If the negotiators were so concerned about the hostility of parents, why aren’t they questioning the authority of these people who give the orders.

I have been forced to pay 50% of my paycheck for the last eight years, and I barely make ends meet. They want to know what hostility is, brother, I have been suppressing it for years.

Now, the so-called Attorney Generals Orifice is up to it’s old tricks of dragging me back into court for non-payment of child support, even though I pay 50% of my paycheck. Their only reason for doing this is because I can always be found, because I always do what I’m told.

I served my country, and I am a VETERAN, so why am I being treated like a criminal.

They really want to know where the hostility is coming from, it’s coming from them, not us….

Sorry for going on, but wondering why were a little ticked off is just a slap in the face to all of us who know what is going on.

Appeal to divorced women

Find divorced women; they are your hope. They know what the losers did to them but you obviously are not one of them because you are fighting for your children. It will open their eyes, because they have never experienced a nurturing father for their children, and, they will keep you sane because emotionally they will relate to your struggle for your children.

However, we all have had to adjust to the fact that we are second class citizens. This will not change and your explosive anger will simply backfire for you in regards to your kids. Don’t give the other party the satisfaction of twisting you so much and be there for your kids. They need you and their needs are greater. They are kids; you are the adult.

Look out for yourself as best you can with friends, religious groups, family, anything and everyone who will give to you: take it. You need it now more than ever. You have to be well for your children. You are at war and be sure to rest well, eat well, and find support to go back and do battle.

There is also a contrary opinion:

What side are you on?