I myself remarried a divorced woman, but her previous experience wasn’t a factor. I married her because she loved me for who I was.
Granted, I’m not the easiest person to get along with, and she puts up with me. She’s intelligent, beautiful, gentle, and is a great mother. I’m blessed to be with her.
By the way, this is my third marriage, and I just kept trying until I found the right one. Single, divorced, it doesn’t matter if you’re willing to open up to her. I also grew up with four sisters, and if it’s one thing I learned, don’t take a woman for granted.
Personally I take exception to the statement that “we all have had to adjust to the fact that we are second class citizens.” That’s your self-perception, and terribly self-defeating. Any series of battles is already lost with that sort of mentality.
And why partner with the battle scars of divorced women? They generally have very heavy emotional baggage. Go with young single women, they have less ugly histories you have to listen to. More fun, too, because they have not been disillusioned.
Odds on your remarriage favors that young girl. With a divorced woman there’s a 65% chance of a second failure (and court hearings). Plus if she has kids, guess who will be her favorites?
It really bothered me when I went out with a divorced mom. When her ex realized that I spent more fathering time with his kids, the dude went ballistic! Worst part, I completely understood him because it mirrored a similar situation with my kids.
Yeah, get away from all that guilt. Stay away from losing propositions, cut all your losses short, and start fresh. A dad who is alive and happy is the best first-class example for the children.
I couldn’t have said it better. I am with a divorced woman now who is continually amazed at how well her kids and I get along. The strength and support I draw from this family, and the leadership and love I bring to it, make us all stronger and more able.
I literally can not imagine doing this, fighting this war (and it IS a war, you got it exactly right, tsih.rm) without the base-camp of support and love that I have now.
Divorced women DO understand, and they DO recognize how good or bad a man can be by how he treats his own children and his ex-wife. Further, I think it gentles divorced women to see how we suffer from the things our ex-wives do to us…makes the divorced women we know and love more compassionate to their own ex’s.
Your post is so right on, tsih…I’m printing this one off for a keeper.
Find divorced women; they are your hope. They know what the losers did to them but you obviously are not one of them because you are fighting for your children. It will open their eyes, because they have never experienced a nurturing father for their children, and, they will keep you sane because emotionally they will relate to your struggle for your children.
However, we all have had to adjust to the fact that we are second class citizens. This will not change and your explosive anger will simply backfire for you in regards to your kids. Don’t give the other party the satisfaction of twisting you so much and be there for your kids. They need you and their needs are greater. They are kids; you are the adult.
Look out for yourself as best you can with friends, religious groups, family, anything and everyone who will give to you: take it. You need it now more than ever. You have to be well for your children. You are at war and be sure to rest well, eat well, and find support to go back and do battle.